Why?

Yesterday was one of those days... one of those days when I think to myself "Why on earth would I want ANOTHER baby?"

Of course it's all too late now, but what a day it was. Darlin Boy refused to sleep, and hence refused to eat, and so grizzled and grumped his way right through the day. It seems the new dummies I bought him just aren't up to scratch, so much for expensive orthodontic silicone dummies. Last time I buy anything nice for you Darlin Boy. Of course I don't mean it. I also didn't mean the yelling at him for not staying still while being changed, and for throwing away yet another morsel of food, and I definitely didn't mean the "Why do I bother with you at all?" or the "Right, that's it, I'm not 'doing' this anymore, I've had it with you!" while 'dumping' him back in his cot. It's times like this I fully understand why some animals eat their own young.

I'm sure my little embryo, Bubinski, is going to be scarred for life from all the yelling in-utero, I'm sure I read something about that, a stressed mother causes stress in the foetus. If I took everything in those magazines as gospel, I would be scared to do anything even remotely loud, or eat anything vaguely unhealthy, and would have to spend my whole pregnancy doing yoga or swimming, and talking very softly (or playing music) to my bump, and taking the most expensive pregnancy multivitamin there is.

In reality I'll just be glad to make it through the day without killing someone (that includes me!) and I thank my lucky stars when I can crawl into bed and drift into wonderful sleep, because that will bring me to my saving grace... Darlin Boy's early morning feed. I often wonder how much of it he remembers, I like to think it's just a very warm yummy dream about mummy, and boobies. It's our special time, when he becomes my little baby again, doesn't fight my cuddles, and just lets me hold him. Sometimes he chats to me like the big boy he is becoming, and I sing song back, and he starts to doze back to sleep, just like that tiny newborn some 14 and a half months ago. Hmm... so that's why...