Einstein's Theory of Relativity

E=MC2?

Basically as things reach the speed of light, things get very wierd, they get denser, but also get bigger, and the passing of time changes too. Very weird, if anything totally impossible is happening, then you are probably reaching the speed of light.

I think this is what life is all about actually.

As a friend pointed out something about sticky hands... if you have just got dressed in nice clean clothes, and are in a big hurry to get out the door, and have somewhere very important to go, the sticky hands of your child move faster too, but they also get bigger, and more dense too (ie. stickier!) and the mess made by the sticky hands on your clothes also gets bigger as you reach the speed of leaving the house!

If none of this makes any sense to you, good, cos it makes no sense to me either, and I WROTE it!

The joys of sleep deprivation again... not so much deprivation, more the severe lack of a good night's sleep.

Darlin' Boy is finally better, so no more spews, and no more (squelchy) poos. Very good news for all concerned, he lost a Kilo, and I was starting to feel too many ribs. Finally he's starting to eat properly again, and is getting back into something that vaugely resembles a routine, so all will be well for our trip north. I found the best trick was putting him on lactose free milk... a life saver I think. I had heard from various rescources that it is common to get a mild lactose intolerance after gastroenteritis. Currently we are at 50/50 strenth (lactose free/regular), and aim to finish up the last litre either today or tomorrow.

Yes, I'm way too tired to try and be witty!

Just when you think it's safe to go back in the water...

He goes and spews up AGAIN!

We are now onto our SIXTH day (if you count wed night as the first day) of throwing up. It's not like when he was a bub and would posset all over the place without even realising what was going on (as Sweetheart had the NERVE to suggest... "Maybe it's just reflux?") this spewing business really is distressing, especially for a toddler who doesn't understand.

It is also distressing to me, as we have now passed the dreaded lurgy onto another innocent victim... although if the two of them insist on swapping drink bottles/dummies/food so not sure just how innocent they are! And we may have exposed more to it, so they have been warned.

Plus we are now going to miss playgroup again, I think we'll just have to give that one up for good... we'll start afresh somewhere else I think.

So I'm now hoping that all sickly parties involved are better in time for our visit to the indoor playcentre on Thursday, so they can then all catch something else off another child there! Ah the joys of developing an immune system!

I do have an excuse for not posting!

I suppose this is what they mean when they say it seems like your kids are always sick... they are ALWAYS sick.

Darlin' Boy has had the dreaded Viral Gastroenteritis... vomiting, fever, diarrhea... for the last three days, and every day, just when we think he is on the mend and can get back to some degree of normality... it all get THROWN back at us... literally!!

I really don't knwo how the last three days have gone by. It has been a big blur of hospital visits (well, only one) electrolyte solution, spewcovered sheets and clothes, infant paracetamol, broken sleep, yuck yuck yucky nappies, and infrared ear thermometers.

Of course the good bits are that Darlin' Boy is feeling so under the weather, andso very sleepy from lack of decent food that he has turned into a lovely little newborn again (with frequency of spew to match) he really is a little Darlin' yesterday he spent an hour or so ASLEEP in my arms, and he has just been waking for a 'feed' and then pretty much going straight back to sleep.

That said, he has just woken up, and is screaming with all the gusto of a healthy 15 month old... so on that note... I shall finish!

Yes... I definitely AM pregnant...

It is 100% official, that I am pregnant, and there IS a bubby.

I had a ultrasound yesterday (after some spotting and cramping), and we got a piccy of little Bubinski, and I saw that even littler heart beating away.

It still hasn't helped with the not feeling pregnant thing. I still feel really strange about the whole thing, I guess once we start breaking the news to family it will be more real, and once my tummy starts poking out.

I still haven't made my booking in appointment, that's how slack I have been with this whole thing. Plus now we have bought the second car seat, we have everything we will need to buy, so there will be no shopping for baby clothes or any of the stuff that I did last time. I'm not even buying any pregnancy magazines, and haven't got the old ones out much either.

Also, the whole thing is just so routine... there's no 'unknown'... I know all the tests they do, I know what the clinic is like, I know the routine of the ultrasound, there's nothing new and exciting about it...

Lucky we have decided not to find out Bubinski's sex at the 18-20 weeks scan! Otherwise all hope would be lost! I could just imagine, I give birth and say, "Oh no I don't want it, cos I've been there before, it's all boring now." Hmm, not good, not good at all!

OK, so looking at all that, here is my plan of attack to get myself all excited about the pregnancy...

I MUST make my booking in appointment at the hospital
I MUST go out and buy a pregnancy magazine
I MUST put the ultrasound picture up on the fridge so I can look at it, and must scan in to the puter so I can post it all over the net!
I MUST go out and buy one cute little item for the new baby, and keep it by the bed
I MUST start planning our engagement party (for the purpose of bean spilling!)
I MUST buy a Father's day card from Morgan and Baby brother/sister to grandad

I also have to get packing for our visit up to townsville to see my parents. I am so excited about it, I get to tell Dad about the baby, plus I get to see my Aunt I haven't seen for 15 years, and on top of all that I just know that Nanny and Grandad will love their Morgan! And (this is the selfish bit for me...) I get to go somewhere warm!

Hopefully I'll get something blogged about the progress on the excitement factor before we leave, we'll be leaving in two weeks!

Preggo boobs!

Well, I'm finally starting to 'feel' pregnant, or at least getting some clues that I really am.

I can finally fill up my old maternity bras! Might be time to buy a couple of nice new ones.

The only problem is that I have a blocked duct... so very uncomfortable, adn quite painful if Darlin' Boy hasn't fed for a while, which is most of the time as he only has two feeds in a 24 hour period.

I've been having difficulty sleeping... it's OK getting to sleep to begin with, after all, I am so tired in the evenings I often need help getting to bed! the problem is if Darlin' Boy wakes up early hours... I then end up tossing and turning for what seems like hours trying to get back to sleep. Earplugs help, but it means I can't hear Darlin' Boy wake in the morning. That leads to a very grumpy little boy!

As he is grumping now, I shall leave on that note, and hope I don't need to call out a plumber for that duct!

One of THOSE days...

Do you ever have one of those days when nothing you do seems to be right. Everything is taken the wrong way, or taken out of context, and honestly you just can't be bothered putting up with any of it?

Well that was one of those days today. Probably the fault of the non-emotiveness of the typed word, where you just can't put in that tone of voice that means you're making a harmless humourous comment, and NOT criticising someone on purpose.

The result is that a couple of things I said were taken completely the wrong way, and well, I couldn't be bothered putting up with being criticised for other people taking things the wrong way, and so I left a group that I have been a member of for a week shy of a WHOLE year!

It's been on the cards for a while, I have made my friends, and they know what I'm about, and understand that that is me, and that I never take things too seriously. My tongue is nearly always lodged in my cheek!

So here's to new beginnings, as luck would have it I joined another group yesterday, maybe I knew something was about to be 'afoot'.

So thankyou to that group for helping me find myself, and find a great buddy who totally understands me 100%, and the few other people I have met and will hopefully remain friends with in real life. There is more to the world than cyberspace.

Poo and Spew!

What a week it has been!

It turns out the morning sickness wasn't morning sickness, just a one off vomiting/diarrhea bug of some sort. It made it through the whole household in one form or another:

Monday: Darlin' Boy Spew (morn)
Tuesday: Darlin' Boy Spew (morn)
Wednesday: Me Spew (arvo)
Thursday: Darlin' Boy Poo (morn & arvo)
Friday: Sweetheart Poo (morn), then Spew (arvo)

One word:

YUCK!

I am so glad I shined the toilet on wednesday morning! Thankyou Flylady!

Can you say 'Projectile Vomit'?

So, it's official, the sickness has started, although considering I was so violently ill, part of me is thinking (and hoping) it was something more sinister. Bad food or the like.

I never knew throwing up could be so painful, but as you are probably eating your breakfast or lunch, or somesuch, I think I might leave the details alone!

Poor Sweetheart ended up getting caught up in it all, (not literally - phew!) by cooking a nice fish and chips dinner, and me not eating any of it. I don't know whether I'll have the heart to tell him the plum pudding for dessert went straight through Darlin' Boy, and resulted in an impromptu 6am bath because the nappy just couldn't hold it. Sorry there I go getting into details again!

And the preggo brain (some call it placenta brain, but as 'it' starts before the placenta is even doing much I think it's a bit of a misnomer) has well and trully kicked in. The event of note yesterday, when looking over the locations I can get my blood test (yes, I STILL haven't got it confirmed), and having spent the last two weeks wondering why on earth there are so few locations, I finally noticed there was one in my suburb, at my local shops, and it's right NEXT DOOR to the doctors surgery itself! Am I a dunce or what? I reckon I must be suffering selective blindess at the moment. Something that usually only affects the male of our species, but that's a whole other story all together!

If I do a good job, then you can too!

The other night Sweetheart and I had a little argument, actually more like me being a bit annoyed, but way too tired and wanting to go to bed to do much about it.

He has never done much to help with Darlin' Boy, and even when prompted he will give up half way through because he's not having automatic success. Whether it be feeding, bathing (ha!), nappy changing, or settling. Even putting a bonds singlet on causes major stress. So inevitably I end up having to step in because Sweetheart is having a panic attack, and Darlin' Boy just wants to be able to go and play and is sick of being poked and prodded!

After our argument the other day I found out the reason why he never does anything to help, especially when it comes to taking the initiative. ie. NOT having to be asked first.

"The reason is because you do such a wonderful job, and I'm hopeless at it."

This is the man who wants four kids! So not only would I have to carry them and give birth to them, but I will also have to do ALL the work, and he still wont open a joint bank account, or get his bloody divorce sorted out. (I'll let him off the divorce thing for the moment, he's too scared!)

While I do appreciate all the little things he does to show he loves me. Letting me NOT do dishes, making me lovely dinners, buying flowers and chocolates last night because he felt guilty about the argument. Sometimes it's the bigger things that really count.

I know he's not an old fashioned person, he has 'new age' ideas about raising kids, he knows what a 'snag' is, and I think tries his best to find a nice balance between BLOKE and SNAG. But if one takes a look at our current family situation...

Dutiful husband (like I said we'll ignore that one for now!) goes off to work to earn the money to support his family. Wifey stays at home, doing the housework, and raising their one year old son, and they have another on the way, the kids will have an 'almost perfect' two year age gap. When payday comes around, because bank account is husbands account, husband gives wifey the 'housekeeping' money, plus a little bit extra for herself (but as we know, it gets spent on the kids or husband anyway).
When one year old son's nappy gets dirty in the evening when the whole family is home, husband will dutifully point out that son smells bad, but will never think to just go and change him. When wifey has had a long hard day because son is ill and she desperately needs a shower and an early night, husband will be the one to jump straight in the shower when he gets home without even taking the time to give wifey a hug, or say boo to son because he can't function without clean fresh clothes.
Wifey has to watch husband play computer games or watch the football, but husband will never watch any of the gardening or lifestyle programs that wifey sometimes likes. Husband throws money away on expensive magazines and computer games while wifey is scrimping and saving with the housekeeping money to buy clothes and toys for son, who rarely gets new, always second hand.

Maybe I shouldn't complain.

At least he doesn't expect dinner on the table when he gets home!

Why I love my Sweetheart...

OK, first of all let me say that Sweetheart is one of those people that always tries too hard, either that or he just doesn't bother at all. He is a taurus after all!

He pictures himself as a Jamie Oliver in the kitchen, and often spends hours and hours cooking one dish (using every pot and pan in the house I might add) and sometimes even delivers a commentary a la TV chef! Yes, he puts on the cheesy accent too!

Yesterday I have to admit, he excelled himself. Not only did he step in and do the housework when I was so very tired and falling asleep, but he cooked the most amazing chicken dish for dinner. Chicken stuffed with Spinach and Camembert (Ricotta for me, the whole wouldy cheese/pregnancy thing) and wrapped in a layer of Prosciutto. Just delicious!

Thankyou Sweetheart, you're the best!

The Rollercoaster

On monday I am going to go and get help. I'm scared. Very scared. It's the unknown. It's difficult asking for help, admitting that something might be wrong. What if they tell me I am being rediculous, and what I am experiencing is totally normal? What if they tell me I'm a total nutjob, and slap me in a straight jacket?

Of course I know neither will be the case, but the mind boggles, that's the thing with the unknown I guess. Our expectations are always worse than reality. But I'm also doing it to myself. Part of me is saying "Don't be silly girly, snap out of it now, stupid hypichondriac, nothing like this would ever happen to you, I bet you're just trying to get attention..." and so I end up feeling guilty because I know there are other people who are worse off than me, that need help more, so why would I waste someone else's time with my problems?

Then I fly off the handle again, and realise that no, this is definitely not normal. It happened again today. Although Sweetheart was to 'blame' (in my mind anyway), it wasn't taken out on him. I asked him to feed Darlin' Boy so I could go have a shower (which I was WAY overdue for ~pee-ew~) and he promptly dissappeared into the toilet for his daily dump, and by the time he re-emerged Darlin' Boy had already eaten half his brekky, but I gave the bowl to Sweetheart anyway, and he tried ONCE to get the spoon into his mouth, and gave up, just like that, and said "Oh you can give him the rest, I can't do it, I'm gonna go have a shower while you're doing that." I managed to hold my composure, no fireworks yet. It wasn't until I got into the shower and realised that the hot water was all gone that I exploded. A whack on the shower screen door, and then a few to my head. Yup, very scary.

So when I go out on Monday I have to remember that. Getting help will be nothing compared to NOT getting the help I need.

But you know what... The amazing thing is that I am calmer than I have ever been with Darlin' Boy. And we had a really bad couple of weeks re: sleeping and eating (or lack of!) and I am handling it really well. I can say "Ok, I have done everything I can, you have had milk, food, clean nappy, you are tired, there is nothing else I can do for you, you're just going to have to lie down and go to sleep by yourself." More for my own assurance than for darlin' Boy's benefit, but it works. I can close the bedroom door, and walk away, loving that little person just as much as I always do.

I wish I could do that with Sweetheart.

Not a happy camper at all.

I have very quickly come to the realisation that I need help. Now it's normal to lose your temper on occassion, and especially if it is for a valid reason. But this is just extreme. I had the same problem in my last pregnancy, and post partum.

I just can't control it. Normally I am the last person to get mad, I would describe myself as being VERY patient, and in fact to the outside world everything still seems normal... I only get mad at Sweetheart.

It will be over simple negotiations. I think one thing, he thinks something else, and I just can't handle it. For some reason it's like I am a toddler. It usually ends up with me running off mad and then ending up in tears, apologising, and generally all is forgiven.

It is very scary to have no control over my feelings, it is all so irrational. So far no punches have been thrown, but I have raised fists many a time. I do feel ashamed of myself, because I know Sweetheart's Ex-wife would hit him, and once broke a rib. How could I stoop so low?

I also feel ashamed because Darlin Boy sees this happenning and ends up in tears too. If I don't get help soon, I know I'm going to end up losing both of them...

Why?

Yesterday was one of those days... one of those days when I think to myself "Why on earth would I want ANOTHER baby?"

Of course it's all too late now, but what a day it was. Darlin Boy refused to sleep, and hence refused to eat, and so grizzled and grumped his way right through the day. It seems the new dummies I bought him just aren't up to scratch, so much for expensive orthodontic silicone dummies. Last time I buy anything nice for you Darlin Boy. Of course I don't mean it. I also didn't mean the yelling at him for not staying still while being changed, and for throwing away yet another morsel of food, and I definitely didn't mean the "Why do I bother with you at all?" or the "Right, that's it, I'm not 'doing' this anymore, I've had it with you!" while 'dumping' him back in his cot. It's times like this I fully understand why some animals eat their own young.

I'm sure my little embryo, Bubinski, is going to be scarred for life from all the yelling in-utero, I'm sure I read something about that, a stressed mother causes stress in the foetus. If I took everything in those magazines as gospel, I would be scared to do anything even remotely loud, or eat anything vaguely unhealthy, and would have to spend my whole pregnancy doing yoga or swimming, and talking very softly (or playing music) to my bump, and taking the most expensive pregnancy multivitamin there is.

In reality I'll just be glad to make it through the day without killing someone (that includes me!) and I thank my lucky stars when I can crawl into bed and drift into wonderful sleep, because that will bring me to my saving grace... Darlin Boy's early morning feed. I often wonder how much of it he remembers, I like to think it's just a very warm yummy dream about mummy, and boobies. It's our special time, when he becomes my little baby again, doesn't fight my cuddles, and just lets me hold him. Sometimes he chats to me like the big boy he is becoming, and I sing song back, and he starts to doze back to sleep, just like that tiny newborn some 14 and a half months ago. Hmm... so that's why...

The issue of spacing...

Well it's official, my mum things I'm mad, crazy, insane, all at the same time!

It's the age old debate of how far apart your children should be, and no matter how far apart, or close yours are, there is always someone who thinks it should be different.

Oh, no you don't want two in nappies, but if you have them close together you can get the nappies out of the way quicker.

And so it goes.

But in the end, we love our kids, and there's always one challenge or another. If it's not nappies, it's toilet training, if it's not falling off tricycles it's falling off skateboards, and then you have all that teenager stuff, and going out with friends, and then trying to scam the car keys off you.

For now all I have to worry about is Darlin Boy falling over all the time, all those cracks to the head, pulling the PS2 down onto himself. Our first trip to the emergency room. Managed to go over 14 months without one... very proud of THAT one!

Plus the early pregnancy stuff... the burping... peeing... BAD temper... tiredness... exhaustion... more tiredness... desire to eat lots of really unhealthy food... more burping.

And so it goes!

Am I sounding like a broken record?

I'm tired... so tired...

This combination of pregnancy tiredness, and 'not being able to sleep' tiredness, and 'toddler waking up way too much' tiredness, has well and trully hit me.

In fact, I had to drag myself out of bed at 2:30pm (yes PM!) for my doctors appointment, and the disconcerting feeling of dozing off on the couch, has become all too familiar. I think people are getting used to me yawning all the time!

But the most disconcerting of all is waking up in the middle of the night and finding your Sweetheart lying next to you, and you CANNOT remember at ALL them coming to bed.

"Sweetheart, because I'm gonna have such an early night (7pm) I'll get up when you come home from work so I don't end up waking up at 3am again." Yeah right... I must have been in such a deep (probably unconscious) state of sleep, one moment I was tucking myself in at 7pm, next thing... I wake up, roll over, man in my bed... 3am AGAIN? What the? Oh well, so much for getting up for a Milo, and to do the dishes at 10:30! This from the chickie who took to wearing earplugs through her previous pregnancy because she is normally such a light sleeper, and would wake up to the sound of a mouse farting!

The next most disconcerting feeling. Actually MORE disconcerting, and more scary, I think, because it's the kind of thing that could cause serious injury.

The drive down to the shops for my doctors appointment.

When you have the feeling you really shouldn't be awake, and although you are obviously NOT in bed, it is also quite obvious that you SHOULD be, and your brain still thinks so. I realised this upon reaching the end of my street, and forgetting how on earth I managed to get through two roundabouts... then all that goes through my head is that 'Drowsy drivers die' thing... and something about microsleeps. Can you still have a microsleep at 2:30pm? I'll have to ask Dr. Karl that one. Needless to say, it's only a one minute drive to our shops and very quiet roads, and well, I'm here typing this.

So I live to fight another day... or sleep another day!

Letting off steam... among other things!

Now, i'm not sure whether it's just the hormones, or if Sweetheart is just being REALLY pain in the arse annoying... must be his fault... why I chose to take it out on a poor defensive onion I don't know. Actually I should say, taken out on a poor defensive onion and the kitchen floor by means of a stong pitching arm (namely mine!).

I guess in terms of venting frustration it's better than going down the local for a few pints and getting in a bar room brawl.

The one particular annoyance in question (or rather one of many) started at ten past six in the am. Phone rings, and most calls at that hour are emergencies... well yeah, if the emergency is that Sweetheart has forgetten about swapping shifts and is now ten minutes late for work, and currently wondering why on earth anyone would be ringing at such ungodly hour (although I'm sure God is awake by 6am!)

So amongst the major panic that ensues, I decide to visit the commode, only to be told off for going because he needs to go and is running late for work (Hmm... hadn't noticed THAT one!) I finish my business and walk out to see Sweetheart standing at the bathroom sink, "I'm using the sink as a urinal!" he proclaims very proudly, and then REFUSES to wipe it out because he's running late for work (hmm... yup he STILL needed to remind me one more time)

I started to throw my 'nana, and I guess trying to avoid all out war he finally obliged, reluctantly grabbed the 'shower power', and did what he shouldn't have HAD to do in the first place if he had only waited the whole sixty seconds for me to finish my own call to nature.

...and then he had the gall to ask for change for the toll.

All said and done though he did redeem himself by the end of the day. I was presented with a scrumptious KFC dinner, and after a great deal of faffing around in the kitchen, a caramelatte with whipped cream on top, and marshmallows and little cruchie bites for extra 'sucking up' power. PLUS '50 first dates' and 'Love actually' hired from the vid shop.

Well it worked... I'm a sucker for sugar, and I do get a little sick of star wars movies, and watching someone else play the PS2!

So for now all is forgiven, although the forgotten bit I'm not so sure about... I'm sure I'll manage to drag these small offences out again when they are next needed to win an argument.

It's lucky I love him so much!

We're Pregnant!!

Oh my goodness!

After only two months of trying here we are... Two pink lines.... BFP... Up the duff... bun in the oven... expecting... gestating... fertilised... pregnant!

I still can't believe it, especially as I am still breastfeeding Darlin Boy, we had given ourselves a three month window of opportunity to fall, and hence move our wedding, and I really didn't expect it to happen so quickly.

Sweetheart is over the moon, and feeling very studly, although I think he is worried that there will be no more sex for two years... two years?? Just watch me make it three!

I have only been pregnant for four and a half weeks, and already I have totally lost patience with him!

Oh well just gives me a hint of the joy that will be the next eight months... I'm due on 27th March... Easter Sunday... Ha... Me of all people!



Till next time... *Buuurp*